one two three fourrrrnication!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
