Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
