one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize