Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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