You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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