The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
