I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
