Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
