so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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