new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
