She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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