After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
