I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize