Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
