he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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