I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
