he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize