Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
