Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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