After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
