You're my little dorito
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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