i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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