recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
