I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Four minutes until I can fart!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
