All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found the puke drawer
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
