is your mom at the bar?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
