I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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