do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
