He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
