I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's the barista slut.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
