She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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