I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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