Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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