can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
