I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
