So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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