We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the condom got lost in my hair
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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