oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
