Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
