i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
