Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
