What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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