dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
