Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
