some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
