I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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