if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
