I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
