You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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