You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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