not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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