I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
