The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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