did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize