just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
