Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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