I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
