So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
