There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
