Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
