sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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