my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
