Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
