I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
