He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
