i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
how do you play pong handcuffed?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize