and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
